Sunday, December 29, 2013

An Epiphany of a Whateverist

If you consider yourself a liberal (or even just liberal), you probably get some cynical, sophisticated amusement when someone says, “I’m a liberal, but . . .” knowing that something very illiberal and maybe illogical is coming next.  But the first time you hear yourself say it, it’s not so funny.

Regarding religion, I consider myself a “whateverist.”   Believe whatever you want; just don’t attack me for my beliefs and don’t feel I am attacking you if we disagree.  But recently, I have been hearing from Christian friends and reading articles by Christian authors that perhaps the Virgin Birth is a biological impossibility or that the Star of Bethlehem would have been in the sky anyway.  They say that these things aren’t the point of Christmas.
I was surprised, to say the least, at my reaction:  “I’m a religious liberal, but . . .”  The but is that while I may feel they are right, I don’t want to.  When I have doubts, belief in the truth of the Christmas story gives me something to hold on to.  I feel as if I am being personally attacked by people I like and people I don’t even know.  I want to say, “Do you know what you’re doing to me?  Not only are you upsetting me, but you’re putting my faith in jeopardy!  And I’m sure I’m not the only one.  So please keep your opinions to yourself, even if they’re right.”
Finding that I feel this way has not been pleasant (OK, it sucks.), but as Cartman and the boys on South Park say, “I’ve learned a lesson today.”  I understand how creationists (or people who don’t want the altar where I think it should be) can feel when evolutionists or whateverists disagree with them.  And I can’t expect even good friends not to feel that I’m trying to take something – something very important – away from them.
Being a believer is hard.  It takes work.  We need to support each other as much as we can, even if we don’t agree about what really amounts to details.
So even if I can’t always keep my opinions to myself, I will work to be more sympathetic.  We’re all trying to do the best we can.
 


Saturday, December 21, 2013

Some Holiday Snark or A Biting Comment of Great Social and Political Import




It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas

Everywhere you go.

All the beggars wear Santa hats.

And so do the dogs and the cats.

They look so very festive in the snow!


It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

Everywhere you roam.

Take a look at the Dollar Store,

Overflowing once more

With cheesy junk to clutter up your home.
 

Some video games with disgusting names

Are the wishes of Dylan and Ben.

Slutty Barbie clothes and a ring for her nose

Are the hopes of Makenzi and Jen.

And Mom and Dad haven’t had any rest

Since they can’t remember when.

 
It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

How the bills pour in!

But you don’t have to be afraid;

By the time that you get them paid

Christmas comes again!

 

Friday, December 20, 2013

The Best Article About Christmas Stress -- Ever! (Well, not really, but I couldn’t resist.)

Do you feel that Christmas is a disruption in your life?  Are you overwhelmed by trying to provide the best Christmas possible?  How do you feel when you read an article or hear a discussion on a talk show telling you that you shouldn’t try to create the “perfect” Christmas?  And don’t forget all those movies about a burned out parent (usually Mom) who has a revelation and cries and berates herself for not seeing the meaning of Christmas.  Do you feel guilty because you would have been satisfied with just “real nice”?  Or are you shooting for perfect and feeling guilty not only for not making it but for even trying?

No matter where you turn, someone is saying something about the stress of Christmas.  I stopped reading articles about how to avoid stress, since reading them and trying to put them into action just took up time and led to more stress.

Maybe we just ought to accept that fact that we are going to strive for “the best Christmas ever,” no matter what we read or see on television and hear in church.

But I have a thought.
Christmas disrupts our lives, just as it has disrupted the world.  Mary and Joseph had their lives disrupted; so did the shepherds and wise men.  When we decide to follow Jesus, our lives are going to be changed and change is disruption.  It is a miraculous disruption.

But wouldn’t it be nice to find a little peace?
Maybe on the 26th or the Saturday after Christmas, we can enjoy the leftovers, watch the DVD’s we got, and really read the Christmas cards and newsletters.  I’m going to keep the 26th in mind tonight as I wrap presents and worry about whether everyone will like them.

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Something Else to be Thankful For (Or I’m Just Saying.)

Besides Martha, another person we are supposed to see as a bad example is that Pharisee in Luke18:9-14, who was praying at the temple a short distance from a tax collector.  He thanked God that he was “not like other people—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector.  He gave ten percent of his income and fasted twice a week.  And this was true.  The point of the story is not that the Pharisee was lying.  

The tax collector stood at the side, hung his head and beat his breast, saying, “God, have mercy on me, a sinner.”  The tax collector, because of his humility, “went home justified before God.”  When I heard this in Sunday School, I got the idea that the tax collector was a better person, even though he had probably been cheating those he collected from.  He was Good and the Pharisee was Bad.  I certainly did not want to grow up to be like the Pharisee.

This story is a good reminder that we must not get too full of ourselves and no matter what we do, we are all sinners.  The Pharisee should have acknowledged this.  But what is wrong with being grateful that you have had opportunities and been given gifts, both spiritual and material, that others haven’t?

I know that I am a sinner and in the eyes of God am no less of one than a drug dealer.  But I am still thankful that I am not a drug dealer.  I have been very blessed to come to know Jesus.  I’m glad my sinfulness does not involve standing on a drug corner in all weathers, worrying about being arrested or killed, and maybe realizing that I am destroying lives. 

So sue me.

But God, be merciful to me, a sinner!

Sunday, December 1, 2013

Hide the candy canes! It’s the Advent Police!

When I was growing up, the Presbyterian Church did Advent well; I don’t remember them mentioning it.  We started singing carols about three weeks before Christmas (or, as the Episcopalians say, “Advent 2”), the decorations were up in the church the Sunday before Christmas in time for the Christmas pageant.  (I never got to be Mary, but one year, when they were trying to add relevance, I was the Teacher.  I got to wear my first pair of nylons and carried two of my mother’s old college books.  Along with the Doctor, Nurse, Family, etc., I walked up to the (live) Nativity scene and bowed.  There was a party afterwards with those three-flavored ice cream squares.)  On Christmas Eve, we had a beautiful candlelight service.

When I was church shopping years ago, I went to an Episcopal church on the Sunday before Christmas.  The only vaguely Christmassy part of the service was “Oh Come, Oh Come, Emmanuel.”  I didn’t go back for years.
The Episcopal Church sees Advent as a time of preparation, much like Lent.  No carols or decorations until Christmas Eve.  We can’t even say “Alleluia,” although some people forget, and everyone smiles.  We have our little rebellions, like wearing red or green and fussing at coffee hour.  (I wonder if priests discuss how their flocks are behaving.  My attitude would be, “Let them get it out of their systems, the little rascals.”)

I have to admit I have gotten used to Episcopalian Advent.  I still don’t know if I like it.  Maybe we need to have a place to escape from the worldly part of Christmas, at least for an hour a week.  Waiting is a spiritual experience.  Anyway, I’ve resigned myself that things aren’t going to change. 
I’ll wait in church, but not at home or even in the Parish Hall. 

There’s still half an hour until Advent starts.  One last “Alleluia.”

 

Saturday, November 23, 2013

Happy Thanksgiving, a few days early!


Well, tear up my nametag and call me a heretic. Things I Wonder About

Fortunately, I am not a pastor or a theologian, so I can offer any crazy idea that pops into my head and not get in trouble.  In fact, I can even get ordained through the internet and start my own church. But it’s easier just to blog.  So here are some random thoughts. 

Gambling: The newest fundraising trend around here is Coach Bag Bingo.  For about thirty-five dollars you get the chance to win an expensive handbag and a night out.  It would be a great fundraiser for the church.  However, the Bishop doesn’t approve of gambling.  I believe this is because gambling is leaving things to chance, and for a Christian chance does not exist, since God controls everything.  (Crazy theological idea: if God has control of everyone’s life, then it may be your destiny to hit the lottery or win a Coach bag.)
Reincarnation:  I really like the idea of reincarnation.  Maybe in my next life I can use some of the things I learned (usually the hard way) in this one.  (Crazy theological idea:  Could the “many mansions” of John 14 be our different incarnations?)

Jesus and Martha:  I remember in Sunday School, Martha was offered as a bad example.  She was too concerned with getting dinner ready for a houseful of people and should have been listening to Jesus.  To call someone a Martha was not a compliment.  As I got older and had my own house and had to feed everyone, though, I sympathized with Martha. And when she asks her sister Mary to help her, not only does she not get any assistance, but Jesus tells her that she needs to get her priorities straight.  (Luke 10:38-42)  Maybe he should have offered to help.  How about a miracle here? How hard would that be for someone who could raise the dead?  Maybe Martha should have said, “Fine,” plopped herself down at his feet and let the gang see what happens when everyone sits around talking, even if they are listening to Jesus.
In John 11, Jesus gets on Martha’s case again.  When Martha points out that her brother Lazarus has been dead for four days, and smells, Jesus says, “Did I not tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God?”

“Sorry.  I guess I missed that when I was in the kitchen.”

(Crazy movie buff idea:  Jesus and Martha remind me of those old Spencer Tracey/Katharine Hepburn movies, where they fight all the time but are really attracted to each other.  But Jesus died before anything came of it.  Or did he?  Yes, he probably did.  Some things are too crazy even for me.  And he was too busy after the Resurrection anyway.)

 

Sunday, November 17, 2013

Atheist Churches: An Oxymoron or the Social Oranization of the Future?


Atheists are starting their own churches!  They are singing songs, listening to inspiring talks, volunteering to help others, meeting people, and, it seems, having a good time.  The “Sunday Assembly” movement, started in England by two comedians, Sanderson Jones and Pippa Evans, has come to the United States, with Assemblies being held in Los Angeles, San Diego, Nashville, New York, and other cities.

Well, I’m glad they’re doing worthwhile things, but I wonder why they feel they have to have a church to do them.

What needs are these churches filling?

The members may say they want to be with likeminded individuals in their struggle to evolve into the best people they can be.  But why do they need an organized group to do that?
Is there some inner need in everyone to be part of a group?  One of the great things about being a Christian is the opportunity to be part of a Christian community.  And though Episcopal services may seem subdued, there is great joy.  And if liturgy isn’t your thing, there are plenty of other great churches to choose from.

It seems that atheists feel left out.  Christians wear crosses, Jews wear stars of David, atheists wear necklaces with charms that say “Godfree.”  Christians put “Jesus fish” on their cars; atheists have a cute animal that looks a bit like a hedgehog that says “evolve.” 
I wonder when it’s going to occur to them that they are doing these things in the name of refusing and denial.  What are they going do when their relationship with the person they met at Sunday Assembly breaks up?  What are they going to do when the problems that come with anything that is organized crop up?  At least organized religion has faith to fall back on when the boiler breaks down or the organist and choir director are feuding. 

The people flocking to Sunday Assemblies have discovered that they need community.  Perhaps as they develop their services, they will discover their need for ritual.  Perhaps in their discussions, they will start to wonder if there isn’t something beyond this world and humans and start to think, “Wouldn’t it be wonderful if there were?”
Maybe this makes me a candidate for Annoying Believer of the Week or Person Who Gives Christians a Bad Name.  To any atheists reading this:  I’m just offering some ideas.  Enjoy them.  

Sunday, November 10, 2013

Proceeding

Last week I had one of those “procedures” done where they stick a camera down your throat to see what is going on in your digestive tract.  As I was lying on the table waiting for things to get underway, I couldn’t help but wonder (as Carrie Bradshaw used to say) about a few things.

 Where did I put the instructions about my funeral?  My husband knows I want an Episcopal service with the Eucharist, but he doesn’t know my favorite hymns and scriptures. 
Is there food in heaven?

What’s wrong with me?  People don’t die during these things.  Does everyone have these thoughts when they are about to be operated or proceeded on?

Will I feel well enough to make a cake for the flea market on Friday and go to the Diocese Convention on Saturday?
Will they give me the pictures and if they do, should I hang them in the kitchen or the bathroom?

I was also very pleased that this could make a good post.
The next thing I knew, I was awake and it was over.

Yes, I did make the cake and go to the Convention and no, they did not give me any pictures.

 

Saturday, October 26, 2013

And the award goes to . . .


Perhaps the award for “Person Who Gives Christians a Bad Name” (this week) should go to Ms. Lou Landrum, executive director of the Spartanburg [South Carolina] Soup Kitchen.  Ms. Landrum refused to allow an atheist group, Upstate Atheists, to volunteer at the kitchen, even though they promised not to wear their atheist t-shirts or identify themselves as atheists.

Not to be daunted, the atheists, who participate in many activities sponsored by religious organizations, set up across the street and gave away “care packages” to the homeless.

I must be a novelist at heart, since I am always thinking “What if . . .?”  What if I were the director of a church soup kitchen and an atheist group wanted to help?

At first the answer seemed easy.  “Of course we’d be delighted to have you help . . .” Change that to  a Church Worker persona, “Golly, that would be terrific, what days can I put you down for?  But this is a Christian endeavor, representing the church, so please don’t talk about . . .  um . . . you know what to the guests.” 

Of course, in the back of my mind, I’d be hoping that the atheist volunteers would be so won over by everyone’s Christian witnessing (which would be by example, not proselytizing) that they would eventually believe.

Wouldn’t this make a wonderful Hallmark Channel movie?   But I can’t decide if the director should be young and beautiful (but probably perky) or of a certain age (not quite so perky, but aglow with the Holy Spirit.)  I am quickly adding that I fit neither of these descriptions.  Naturally, she and the head atheist (probably male; I don’t know if a same sex romance would work on Hallmark yet) fall in love.  I see him as either a sexy, troubled leftist or a charming old hippie.

Naturally, they fall in love and the atheist (Do you have any suggestions for the actor?) comes to Jesus.

But to get back to reality.  Would I really be right to ask the atheists to keep a low (non)spiritual profile?  Shouldn’t a Christian organization allow debate?  If I wanted to offer the guests spiritual options, wouldn’t they be entitled to hear the other side?

I have to admit that my feeling would be “Not in my soup kitchen!”  And I have to admit that I don’t know how I should feel about that.

What would Jesus do? What would you do?

 

Sources:  MSN Now;  Mediaite; The Raw Story

 

Monday, October 21, 2013

What if?

What can I say?

What the (bleep) would it take?


I’ve been keeping a list of things I’ve prayed for that have happened.  Five days after a five day bug, I still wasn’t feeling much better than functional, and friends were basically saying, “Boy, do you look awful!”  (They put it more kindly.)  I made it to church and asked for a blessing.  (I really hadn’t thought of asking God myself.)  By the time I got home, I felt much better.
Years ago, I would get headaches that lasted three or four days.  Then, I can’t remember when, they stopped.  I thought maybe it was because I stopped using a pillow.  But I had started getting them again.  But now, when I feel a headache coming, I ask God to stop it.  I asked boldly, not “if it isn’t too much trouble, if you don’t mind.”  (We had a sermon about that.)  And the headache stops.  (I don’t know if I should use an exclamation point here.  Should I really be surprised?  But isn’t it something to exclaim with joy and wonder?)

Friends I have been praying for are finding solutions to their problems that seemed practically insurmountable.

My faith has grown stronger.

There are others, but you get the idea.
But in the back of my mind, there is this gnawing.  Did things just work out that way?  After all, I had officially recovered.  My friends are intelligent people who can work out their problems. 
Then I think, “What does it take?”  Jesus raised people from the dead and still there were some who did not believe. 

I don’t know what it would take.  There are always going to be doubts. 
I saw an atheist video on Youtube about dumb things Christians say to atheists.  (The speaker, Hemant Mehta, http://www.friendlyatheist.com, put it more politely and was really very charming.)  And one of them was “You just have to have faith.”  It seems that this is what a Christian says when an atheist is about to win the argument.  But we don’t say it just to atheists.  We say it to ourselves every day.

And it isn’t a mark of defeat.  We know a lot of things are unexplainable or can seemingly be explained away.  But we have chosen to have faith, even though we can’t always do it as well as we should.
God understands and forgives.  And He will help if we ask Him.

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

I'm embarrassed to write this, but sometimes you just gotta vent.


Years ago when I worked in a real estate company, if a salesman needed his secretary, he might send another secretary into the ladies’ room to get her.  We would joke (sort of) that we couldn’t even go the bathroom in peace.  (We put it more graphically.)
I thought of this today, as I was in the bathroom enjoying the go and I noticed that the shower curtain really needed cleaning.   A house gives you less peace than a boss.  I went down to the basement to put in a load of wash and saw that the cats had tracked litter all over.  After I cleaned it up, I decided I might as well change the litter.  I used the last litter box liner, so I wrote a note to pick up some more at K-Mart (the only store that has the kind that fit the litter box) and then started thinking of everything else I needed to pick up.

If I go to do one bit of housework, I always find something else that needs to be done. One thing leads to another until my head starts spinning.  If I don’t take care of them, I feel guilty.  If I do, I get behind in my to do list and feel guilty about that.
 Since the children are grown and out of the house, I can’t blame them for any disorder or ask them to take care of it.  (The last is a joke, as I’m sure you know.)  Of course I can always blame my husband, but it’s not worth the effort to bring it up.

By the way, I am not obsessive-compulsive or even a neatnik.  I consider myself laid back.  A neatnik might not put it so gently.
As a Christian (or just as a thinking person) I realize that I am very lucky to have an indoor bathroom with a shower, a washer and drier, two cats, and everything else.  If I need to remind myself, I can always go camping, since I am lucky enough to be able to afford camping gear and a car to get me to the woods.

So I will thank God that I have enough stuff to drive me nuts.

Sunday, October 6, 2013

The snark is not meant for Jesus.


What a friend we have in Jesus

All our sins and griefs to share.

What a privilege to carry

Everything to God in Prayer.

 

Does your therapist correct your grammar?

At group therapy, do you never get time to share?

Jesus just stays there and listens.

Take it to the Lord in prayer.

 

Does your mother tell you what you should have done when it’s too late?

Take it to the Lord in prayer.

Does your sweetie just want to make out on every date?

Take it to the Lord in prayer.

 

Do you friends say that their troubles

Are worse than yours in oh so many ways?

Jesus never complains about being crucified

Or being dead for three days!

 
 
 
 
 
 

Sunday, September 29, 2013

Is there an empty pod in the basement?


In “Bat Ship Crazy”, I wrote about the experience of being thought insane.  To put a positive spin on it, one can say it’s interesting.  People thought Jesus was crazy.  (Not that I’m comparing myself to Jesus.)  And it seems that the atheists who are the most vocal are actually afraid of believers.  Maybe this isn’t nice of me, but I think it’s kind of empowering.
But I sometimes wonder if I really am crazy.  I have become a different person. You know how shocked you were the first time you realized that you were talking like your mother or father (and not saying the things you liked to hear)?  Sometimes, I feel that I have been taken over by the spirit of an evangelist (not necessarily a bad one; I used to think there was no other kind) or one of those Annoying Believers.  

I feel guilty for goofing off at work because I feel I am “a servant not worthy of her hire.”  This doesn’t put a total stop to it, of course.
When I eat French apple pie donuts or a whole bag if candy corn, not only do I silently apologize to my teeth and my pancreas, but also to God for not treating my body like a temple.  (“Donuts are litter dumped on the temple lawn!”)

When something I’ve prayed for happens, I think that it might be because I prayed for it.
When a friend was talking about getting senior citizen discounts that she was not entitled to, not only was I shocked, but I told her I was.  (I didn’t feel guilty about it, but I was embarrassed about being an Annoying Christian.)  I didn’t mention sin, but just went on that it was really taking money from everyone else.  Years ago, when a friend talked about knowingly using expired coupons (adding that it was best to go to the checker who was the busiest or the one who looked the most bored), I didn’t say anything, but later I discussed it with the other friends who had heard it.  We weren’t nice about it.

I used to have one solution for almost any problem:  see a therapist.  Now I have three:  see a therapist, stop eating sugar and wheat, and try going to church, even if you just sit there.

I would think that seeing myself become a different person would be scary.  I keep wondering if I should see a therapist.  But it doesn’t seem worth the effort.  Although a lot of people would say that not seeing there’s a problem is an even bigger problem, I can’t really agree. 

 

Monday, September 23, 2013

More Woodstock than Churchlady

I hate those posts on Facebook that go on and on about how much better things were in the fifties – how kids just played for fun, or didn’t get on the team if they didn’t measure up, how people my age managed to grow up without having to ride in car seats until we were four, how food packages did not include nutrition information and restaurants did not list calorie counts.  Not only do I disagree with a lot of the opinions, but I think comparing the past to the present is unhealthy, especially if the past always wins.

That being said  . . .
Did you once have a clever (or at least different) message on your voicemail?  What do you have now?  I used to have a haiku (“Loudly the phone rings/Alas, no one can answer/So leave a message.”  Feel free to use it.  It helps if you first say “A Haiku.”)  I also had special Christmas messages.  I had one friend who had the Equal Rights Amendment on her message.  And it was fun (Yes, it was; I don’t care if it was corny.) to record a message with the new love of your life.  Now, I just have, “Hi!  Please leave message.”  Is it just me, or is this boring?

It seems that everyone has become No Nonsense.  Am I the only person who has puppies and kittens on her checks?  (I used to have Hello Kitty, but it embarrassed the family.)  If you have to fork over the money, why not have something cheerful to look at while you’re doing it?
And what happened to all the unicorns?

Is everyone trying to project a serious, businesslike image even in their personal life?  (If I had a business, I would not have pictures on my checks.)  Do we think the world is in such terrible shape that we shouldn’t be thinking of anything that isn’t serious?  Or are we afraid of revealing anything about ourselves?

I realize that as a Christian, I have more important things to share than my sneaking love for Grumpy Cat.  (If you thought you could get through this without any “Jesus stuff”, all I can say is, “Bummer.”  I really can’t apologize for bringing it up.)  Jesus is more important than Hello Kitty.  But they’re fun.  Maybe having a collection of Beany Babies is all part of “Enjoying the Go.”

Fortunately, I now have grandchildren to share my stuffed animals with.  And I am going to say “Merry Christmas and Happy New Year” on my voicemail message this year.

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Bat Ship Crazy


Actually, I prefer the unexpurgated version, but I am a churchlady.  Anyway, being on a ship full of bats (cute as they are) would drive you crazy.  I guess the fact that I think bats are cute (and misunderstood) makes me seem even crazier.

Not that a lot of people would need that to think I’m crazy.  Does it ever occur you (usually rather suddenly) that a lot of people (maybe even most people), maybe even a lot of people you know (maybe even most of the people you know) find your beliefs, if not you, crazy?  That they are constantly biting their tongues around you?  That they are hoping (though probably not praying) that you will “get over it” or “come to your senses”?
If I am being totally honest, I have to admit that I don’t know how I feel about this.  I like to think that I don’t care because I know I’m right.  But sometimes, it gets me down.  Not so much that people don’t agree with me or understand me, but that it keeps us apart.

And sometimes, it can lead to doubt.  Frankly, this isn’t as much a problem for me as it used to be.  I tell myself that things can’t be explained, so there is no sense to try and no purpose in listening to doubts from myself or other people.  This may make me close- minded or crazy. (I think I’d rather be thought crazy.)  But as bad as we are taught that close-mindedness is, sometimes it’s necessary.  What some people might call close-mindedness may really be faith.
Within the realm of faith, there is plenty of room for open mindedness.  There is room for different interpretations of the Bible and different kinds of worship.  Part of being a Christian is to be accepting of differences.

And doesn’t refusing eternal life (After all, you have everything to gain and nothing to lose.) seem crazy?

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Oh yes I did!


Have you seen those either disgustingly or refreshingly frank toilet paper commercials (some have
cute bears) with the message “Everybody has to go.  Why not enjoy it?  Enjoy the go!”?  (You can find them on YouTube.)

If we look at this from a religious perspective, we can maybe draw some lessons from it.  Really. 
First:  Our entire bodies, even our excretory systems, are marvels of God’s work.

Second:  Everybody goes (or went).  I wonder in how many bathrooms, as Mom or Dad reads Everybody Poops, Aiden or Charlotte pipes up from the potty chair to ask if that includes Jesus and his mommy.  (The answer is yes, although I am on the fence about Jackie Kennedy.)
So why not enjoy the go?

But what I also get out of the commercials is that “The Go” is our lives.  We have all of God’s gifts and the best way to give thanks is to make the most of them and enjoy them.
We don’t have to try to be model Christians all the time.  (Well, maybe we do, but we can still have fun doing it.)

So walk in the rain, smell the popcorn at the movies (and eat it with butter), belt out the hymns (or whatever you like), kiss your family, friends, and pets.
Joy is one of the best ways to praise God.  And as you radiate joy, you send the message “This is what a believing Christian looks like.”

Of course, it might not be a good evangelizing technique to talk about enjoying the literal go.  But otherwise, knock yourself out.

Enjoy the go!

Note:  To give credit where it is due, the commercials are for Charmin.  What would Mr. Whipple say?



 

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Is there an exchange policy for spiritual gifts?

I took a test to find out (or "discern") my gifts.  I got the best score for Communication.  My next scores were for Hospitality and Service.  I do not have gifts for prophecy, speaking in tongues, or missionary work.

I can’t say I was surprised at my scores.  Obviously I like to communicate (some people might say “run my mouth”), at least on paper or on line.  I like to entertain, even if feeding guests is simply calling out for pizza.  (I think enjoying being together is more important than elaborate preparation.  Martha would have been able to sit at Jesus’s feet and would have been a happier woman if only Bethany had had Domino’s.)  Service – well, ask me to do something, and I probably will, since I don’t have the gumption to refuse.

These are all very useful gifts, but anyone can have them, even atheists.  I would love to be able to see the future (speaking in tongues not so much -- really not so much).  While I would be honored to be called to be a missionary, I have to admit I won’t be disappointed if it never happens.  I’m not a terribly fancy person, but I like good plumbing.  Of course, if the chance comes along to minister to the wealthy and live among them, I will certainly give it a shot.

And it would wonderful to have the gift of music.  I’d love to be a folk singer specializing in the old folk hymns.  The problem is that I can’t sing.  My church choir director, when calling for more choir members, has said that you don’t really have to be able to sing to be in the choir.  If I joined, I think he’d stop saying that.

Joyce Meyer has spoken about her attempts to add singing to her ministry.  It didn’t work out.  What that taught her was that God wants us to use the gifts we have the best way we can.  I’m glad I heard this from her before I tried to do anything foolish.  Thanks, Joyce!

But I think God understands our wanting other gifts and forgives us.  After all, not everyone has the opportunity to take a Spiritual Gifts test, and you may have to figure things out for yourself.  (I think I’d better say that I am being snarky here.  Please don’t be offended if you knew that already.)  And if we try to do what we really aren’t meant to do, He probably gets a chuckle.

Monday, August 19, 2013

A Ride Even Wilder than Mr. Toad’s!

Is your Christian journey a walk?  Or is it a roller coaster ride?  Sometimes I feel like I’m going downhill in a wagon.  I’m not doing anything to make things happen, but the momentum keeps building, faster and faster.  It’s fun and exciting, but scary.  One experience leads to another, and (I hope) I grow in knowledge and spirit.

I can steer a bit, and I can sometimes avoid the rocks or bumps in the hill, if I see them.  Sometimes I can’t, and the wagon turns over.  So I can either cry, get back in, or do both.

Eventually, I get to the bottom of the hill.  It’s kind of a letdown, but necessary.  Theoretically, I should wait awhile before starting for the next hill.  This is a time to rest and reflect.

When I’m ready, I go ahead, pulling the wagon, going up the next hill, and then, at the top, getting in and, afraid but excited, starting down the hill again.

Sunday, August 11, 2013

You're a lovely person, too, but your beliefs do worse than suck! Dealing with atheists.

I was watching an atheist video (something I do when I feel spiritually burned out) and a woman was wearing a necklace that said, “God Free.”  My first thought was “poor thing.”  Then I got annoyed.  Why do they have to rain on everyone else’s picnic?  What do they have to offer?  Why can’t they go on their rational way and let the rest of us do our thing?

Well, they feel they are persecuted.  (Boo hoo!  Sorry, God!)  But how am I supposed to react to atheists as a Christian?

Of course, the church will tell them that we have to love them.  OK, then what?  What do we say to our atheist friends?  You have everything to gain and nothing to lose (and vice versa)?  You need never be alone?  You’ll be happier?

Our friends may listen politely, or if they know we like such things, engage in spirited debate.  Will it change their minds?  Or does listening to a believer strengthen their convictions the way listening to atheists strengthens mine?

We can’t know.  All we can do is offer what we have.  The rest is up to them and God.

Monday, August 5, 2013

You’re Such a Lovely Person -- Why Do Your Beliefs Suck?

You meet all kinds of people in a Bible study group – literalists, fundamentalists, creationists, evolutionists, whateverists.  I am in the last category.

But it has been a leap.  I always believed in evolution.  Then I got to know people who didn’t.  They didn’t seem crazy.  And I liked them!  Then I started listening to Creation Moments on Family Radio:  little biology fun-facts that supposedly proved, at the very least, that Darwin was wrong.  They made sense.  I started thinking “Maybe Darwin wasn’t one hundred per cent right.”

Naturally I couldn’t discuss this with anyone.  My family thinks I’m strange already.  And I just wasn’t up to mentioning it at Bible Study;  I didn’t want to be assaulted by information.

Finally, I came to the conclusion “I don’t know.  I don’t care.  It doesn’t make any difference.”  (You’ll notice I didn’t use exclamation points.  I don’t think it’s worth the effort to exclaim.  It just is.)
It works for me.

Sunday, July 28, 2013

How I Got Saved


Episcopalians seem to be uncomfortable with the concept of being saved.  Bring it up in a Bible Study or discussion group and the leader will say something like, “Salvation doesn’t always happen that way.”  By “that way,” he or she means a dramatic conversion experience – having  visions, falling over (because you’re pushed by the Holy Spirit), speaking in tongues or even feeling compelled to go up for an altar call.
None of that has happened to me.  I have to admit a feel I little cheated.  If someone would ask me when I was saved, I’d have to say, “About the second week in June.”  This is after over ten years of church attendance.  Maybe the first few don’t count, since it was a case of “Just go and sit there.  It can’t hurt and it might help.”  Over the years I began to do more emotionally than “just sit there.”  Of course, after about a month, I was serving coffee at Coffee Hour and taking money at the flea market.   But it did not feel sincere.  I still didn’t know what I believed or if I believed, but I knew that I wanted to.  (I also wanted a trip to Disney World.)

I decided to do everything I would do if I believed.  I was afraid that might make me a hypocrite, but as I said to God, “I’m trying here.”  I was waiting for it to click in.  I wondered if it ever would.
Then, I realized that it had.  I was having an internet argument with various atheists (along with some other Christians) and one not only told me that I was passive-aggressive, sick, twisted, naïve, uneducated and dishonest but that I gave people of faith a bad name.  The only thing that bothered me was being called passive-aggressive.  Seriously!  As I typed my answers, I realized that I actually, truly believed what I was saying.

I’ve been a lot happier since then.
Sometimes, I think, getting saved is realizing that you are.

Monday, July 22, 2013

Good Heavens, You're Annoying! You just might be turning into an annoying believer.

Of course you’re thrilled to be a Christian.  And you want to share it with everyone.  But you may be getting carried away.  Are you becoming the kind of Christian you used to make fun of before you got saved?

Here are some signs that maybe you’re sharing more than necessary.

1.        You refer to Jesus as “Christ” and God as “the Lord.”

2.       Saying grace takes five minutes (and the food gets cold).

3.       You are offended by religious jokes.  This is particularly annoying if they are jokes about your denomination.

4.       You tell a long story about your dealings with the cable company (“I’ve called four times and every time they tell me something different.”), then cheerfully say, “But I’m thankful to have cable.”  This might not be too much of a problem because your listener stopped paying attention five minutes ago.

5.       You claim you don’t know your zodiac sign, your significant other’s, or your children’s.  If someone says anything about horoscopes, you say, “The stars don’t control our destiny.”

6.       Someone (probably jokingly) talks about their prior lives or their future incarnations and you correct them.

7.       Someone talks about what they’re going to eat in heaven and you explain that we can’t imagine what heaven will be like, but it probably won’t involve food.  (I don’t joke about this.  I am counting on eating in heaven.)

8.       You say things like “discern” for “figure out,” as in “I can’t discern how to send pictures on my new phone” or “Be mindful” for “Keep your head out of your behind and pay attention.”

9.       You wear a Blessed Virgin Mother  t-shirt to your girlfriend’s bachelorette party (even if it’s funny).

10.   You wear more than three pieces of jewelry with crosses at one time.

11.   Someone quotes scripture and you correct them.  This is even more annoying if you’re right.

12.   You have underpants with the names of the days of the week and an appropriate scripture.  Even though no one else sees them, this is a warning sign.  You will probably be tempted to tell your friends about them.

13.   You say “scripture” for “the Bible” or “Bible verse.”  (Oops!)

14.   Every time someone talks about doing some fun, Christmassy, but non-religious thing during the holidays you remind them, “This isn’t what Christmas is really about.”  You should really be concerned if the person you say it to is your pastor.

Sunday, July 14, 2013

Is this another elephant, or is it just me?


Did you ever have trouble coming up with sins to confess? I know that I am a sinner (as we all are), but some days, it just seems like I haven’t done anything.  Then I realize that I am headed for a spiritual smackdown.
Of course, there’s always not caring enough about the poor or the environment or war to beat myself up over.  But somehow that seems like slacking in self mortification.  What terrible, crummy things have I actually done?  Of course, I can always berate myself for not acknowledging my sin. 
I’ve thought about writing a short story about a woman who is as close to a saint as one can possibly be (No it's not me. I don't even come close.) and therefore so boring confession-wise that she decides to do something bad so she’ll have some material.  But everything, stealing, adultery, or even lying is too much trouble.
I think of the old joke “Spank your child once a day. If you don’t know what he did to deserve it, he will.”  So on slow days I close my confessional prayers with “and forgive me for all the bad things I don’t know I’ve done and forgive me for not knowing.”  And I’m sure God sighs and shakes his head.

Monday, July 8, 2013

Do I want to know what I'm missing? Isolationism or Worse


There are times when I feel I have to stay away from The World – not just the showy, materialistic idols we are always cautioned about, but from everyone who doesn’t think like I do.  Which is most of my immediate family and friends.  This does not limit my social life as much as you might think;  I know plenty of Christians to hang out with.
The interesting thing about this is that there is so much my Christian friends and I disagree on (gays, marriage, gay marriage, evolution, where the altar should be), but I am able to see past that, and they are too.  As one friend said, “That’s not a problem because I love you.”  This can go into the ever expanding data base on “What is Christian love?”

But I worry that I’m becoming closed-minded and that this is a bad thing.  I’ve shaken my head at the fact that there are people who have gone from kindergarten through graduate school in Catholic institutions and never had a non-Catholic friend.  I worry that I may be missing out on something or turning into one of those people whose friends start looking for giant (empty) pods in their basements.  I’m probably worrying too much and should just go with it. 

Is staying away from atheists any worse than refusing to try sushi?  (I did once have a bite of tripe in a Chinese restaurant.)

Monday, July 1, 2013

Dead Armadillos in the Via Media

(Via media is Latin for “by the way of the middle” or the middle of the road.  It comes up in fancy Episcopalian bull sessions, maybe after the second glass of wine.)

I love the old Texas saying, “The only things you find in the middle of the road are a yellow stripe and dead armadillos.”  But that’s not Episcopalian!  Depending on your point of view, we either see all sides or are “afraid of commitment.”  We take pride (acknowledging, of course, that we shouldn’t be prideful) in the fact that at any gathering, you can probably find someone who agrees with you and someone who disagrees with you and that the disagreement will not be disagreeable.  (The last part is the ideal, but I like to think it happens more often than not.  And we usually don’t have problems with saying things happen “more often than not.”)
This stance may seem to be the easiest to take, but is it?  While I don’t agree with the Catholic Church’s insistence on rules or with various denominations’ certainty that they know the only way to get to heaven, I sometimes think that such things must make life easier.  I sometimes even wish I could believe such things and have such trust in my spiritual leaders.

I sometimes think it would relaxing to believe “the Pope or the Bible or my pastor says so; I believe it and my job is to obey,” although even those people who do admit that it’s hard.
As I write this, I am waiting to come up with a “but.”  “But, of course, this isn’t good because . . .” And it isn’t.  But sometimes, like right now, I can’t think of a reason why.

So I continue on the middle way, with a fairly strong certainty that it’s best.

What do you think?
 
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Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Ding, Dong, DOMA’s Dead!

 This is too basic to say anything more than

        It’s about time!

 
ALLELUIA!