This is all about me. And it should be!

On Saturday, December 27, The Rev. Heather Cook, Suffregan Bishop of the Diocese of Maryland, was “involved” in a fatal traffic accident, in which the car she was driving allegedly struck and killed cyclist  Tom Palermo, 41, the married father of two children.  Bishop Cook left the scene of the accident, but returned about twenty minutes later.  The media later reported that in 2010, she had been arrested for driving under the influence and that drug paraphernalia was found in the car at that time.

This post is not about Bishop Cook!

Naturally, much has been said about this, particularly on Facebook.  People need to talk about tragedies in order to come to some understanding of them.  They are scary and incomprehensible.  Very often, we are speaking without knowing all, or any, of the facts.  I think it is useless to try to stop ourselves, to say that it is none of our business, but that we will pray for everyone.  We can only hope that we remember that we are speaking from emotion and that there are lots of things we don’t know.

There were many wise and compassionate posts, but there were also those condemning Bishop Cook and anyone who showed any sympathy for her.  Of course, I joined in, in an effort to process it all and maybe in the back of my mind, thinking I could straighten everyone out.

I was speaking very glibly (but, I truly believe, sincerely) about being compassionate and nonjudgmental, when I suddenly wondered. “Would I be saying these things if it had been my family member, or friend, or even the nice man who delivers our pizza who had been killed?”  I have to admit that I don’t think so. 

Loss of someone is too horrible to think of.  (I always say that being left behind, at least for adults, is worse than dying.)  We Christians have doctrine that is comforting, as long as it is theoretical, but are we perhaps whistling as we walk past the cemetery?

I hope and pray that I never have to make decisions about forgiving anyone connected with the loss of someone I love.  I hope none of us will.  So I will keep whistling.

One life is lost.  One is ruined.  A wife is without a husband.  Two children will grow up without their father.  Parents have lost their son.

There is nothing we can do about it.  So it turns out to be all about us, how we react, what we learn.  If we are not too confused, but especially if we are, we can pray for ourselves and for everyone involved.

(See “The Bishop and the Cyclist” by the Rev’d Dr. Elizabeth Kaeton at Telling Secrets at Blogspot.com.)