Oh, Honey!

 

We’ve all dealt with naysayers and parade rainer oners, those people who say you shouldn’t major in English, look for new job, fall in love, or even get a new television.  One of the best ways to bring them out is to become a Christian, or, if you come from a nominally religious family, to “really get into it.”  Your best friend becomes an expert on church history.  What about the Spanish Inquisition?  Indulgences? Henry VIII? Bloody Mary?  Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker?  Another tells you horror stories about Catholic school – never mind that you aren’t Catholic.  Still others will be refreshingly honest.  How can you believe that crap?   

While these people are annoying, you can deal with them.  You can tell yourself that they have issues and don’t have manners, and just because they are being judgmental, you don’t need to be.  You can save your religious side for your religious friends.  You can say, “Well, we’ll just have to agree to disagree” and change the subject.  That works sometimes.  Or you can suggest going out for pizza.  Maybe they won’t talk with their mouths full.

 

What is harder to deal with are the “Oh, honeys.”  The Oh honeys are genuinely concerned and don’t come right out and criticize:  “You’re going to marry that whack job?” or “Churches just want your money.”  Instead they look worried and say, “Are you sure you want to do that?”  Or “Well, if you’re happy, I’m happy.” Or “Call me if you ever need to talk.”  You really don’t want to be rude and you know you really should appreciate their concern.  But you can hear the “Oh, honey” in their voices.  “Oh, honey, you’re making a big mistake.” 

I never thought I would become an Oh, honey.  But I have.  When I hear young people talk about the power of prayer or how we are all children of God, I want to say, “Oh, honey, it doesn’t always work out.  Sometimes the answer to a prayer is ‘Not now’ or even ‘No.’   Sometimes disgusting, evil laws are passed no matter how hard we work against them.  Sometimes no matter how much compassion and love we give someone, he or she may keep doing the same self-destructive things and if we’re not careful, take us down with them.”   And one time I did.  The young woman I said this to (Fortunately, I did not say “Oh, honey.”) is much more spiritual and knowledgeable than I am and I am old enough to be her grandmother.  She replied that she knew that; she is young, not dumb, but she still chooses to hope because she would prefer a broken heart to a hard one

She’s right of course.  We must continue to hope, about our dreams, about the world.  Even about retaining our faith.  What can we do to keep hope? We can surround ourselves with people who feel the same way we do.  (We can do this without putting those who don’t out of our lives.  Anyway, they wouldn’t go quietly if we were to try.)  We can get closer to God through reading the Bible and talking about it.  We can remember when the answer to our prayers has been “Yes.”  Or when the answer has been “No” and six months later we are relieved and even happy about that.  We can think of all the progress that has been made on issues, even though it is not nearly enough.  And we can pray – for the naysayers, for the Oh honeys and for ourselves. And that may give them hope.  I may be old, but I hope I’m not dumb.