Good Heavens, you're still annoying! 3

Every time someone talks about doing some fun, Christmas-y, but non-religious thing during the holidays you remind them, “This isn’t what Christmas is really about.” 

You just might be an annoying Christian!
You should really be concerned if the person you say it to is your pastor.

How nice!

If you can call someone "sensible" or "pleasant" and truly mean it as a compliment,

You just might be an Episcopalian!

November 9, 2016, 2017

 

Good heavens, you're annoying! 1

If you say, "I know I'm just as big a sinner, but . . ." before you criticize someone or "I'm going to burn in Hell!" after you make a catty remark, you just might be an annoying Christian.

My Life as a Pharisee

My Life as a Pharisee

After Judas Iscariot, the Pharisees are probably the people in the Bible we most love to hate. They represent the status quo (which wasn't all that bad for them, but was for most of the Jews living under the Roman empire). They nit-picked over silly laws: you could give your cattle food and water on the Sabbath, but you couldn't heal people. And don't forget to tithe your spices! They liked to dress up and get the best seats at religious services and banquets.

Even things that seem good take on a bad tone in the hands of the Pharisees. You would think that it's admirable to be grateful for your life and the opportunities you've had, like the Pharisee in Luke (Luke 18:9-14), but never thank God that you are better (less sinful) than a crooked tax collector. Even if the Pharisees say the right things, they don't practice them. Matthew said they were “like whitewashed tombs, beautiful on the outside, but full of dead men's bones.” (Matthew 23:27-28)

And today, don't thank God that you are better than the Pharisees! We practice or are afflicted with Churchianity, which is to Christianity what the Pharisees' Templeism was to Judaism, obsession with trappings and status and non-spiritual church problems, as anyone who has ever been asked to move from someone's pew or who has witnessed a vestry meeting can tell you. (I have had both of these experiences.) And even if we know how we're supposed to behave, we don't always. This is putting it kindly. A less kindly way to put it is that we're hypocrites.

Naturally, no one wants to admit to being a Pharisee. But there are plenty of people eager to point your Churchianity out to you, Why aren't you having homeless people over for dinner? Why don't you see that Ann Coulter or Bernie Sanders or the bitch or son of one who stole your significant other is as much a beloved child of God as you are and deserves to be treated as such? Why do you always try to get a front row seat at Christian rock concerts? (That all the other Christians are doing it is not a valid defense.)

This is hard enough to take, even when we know deep down it's true.  But even worse is the criticism from the “spiritual but not religious” people, who find God in places other than church. They can't understand why anyone would want to sit in a building that either freezes or roasts them, be bored at best or guilt tripped at worst and be asked for money to pay for it all. If you need a Coffee Hour donut that badly, the bakery is probably closer than the church.

Obviously, if you need organized religion, there is something wrong with you and you need counseling or maybe just a life. They, on the other hand, don't need anything.

I admit that I am a sinner. (And a big“You're welcome” to everyone who just said, “Thank you, Captain Obvious.”) And I know that in God's eyes my sins are as bad as those of a drug dealer or hit person, but I am very thankful that they are easier to commit.

And, I admit that I like the fact that I know what “substitutional atonement,” “undercroft,” and “narthex” mean. There has to be some upside to being a church geek or, like me, a very much in progress one. I'm aware that this pride is one of my convenient-to-commit sins.

And I admit . . . no, I declare that for me, church is one of the best places to find God. I love the music, the stained glass, the candles, the liturgy, even the sermon. I'd love the incense, too, if my priest would let us use it. And I love the socializing and the“feeling of community.”

Maybe the Pharisees felt the same way. Maybe they too were trying to find God. Maybe they were beloved children of God who were really messing up. (Maybe?)

The point of this post (Or is it a rant?) is not to defend the Pharisees. The point – at least the one I want to make, which may not be the point you get, which is fine – is that “church people” are going to get flack for being church people. Maybe our critics find us frightening.(Again, maybe?) Maybe they think we are ruining Christianity. But that's OK. We are not conducting our spiritual lives to get other people's approval, just as they are not trying to get our approval.

So serve on the committees, eat the donuts, make your special chili for the potluck (or bring your favorite “store cookies”), sing the hymns, and have your Kleenex ready for the parts of the service that always get you. Hang out with the church geeks and enjoy some  so-bad-they're-good puns. Just remember, these are details that you can use to get closer to God, not ends in themselves, and that this is not the only way to do it.

God may think, “For a Christian, you are really messing up.” And then He (or She) will say, “But I love you anyway.”

As your first step on the path to church geekism, dazzle your friends by knowing the difference between Pharisees and Sadducees!

The Other Games

In case you're tired of Pokemon Go or haven't had the energy for all that walking, there are, thanks to the various tragic shootings in Dallas, New Orleans, Orlando and so many other places, two old favorites you might want to dust off: The Blame Game and Defensive Offense.

Who or what is responsible for these tragedies? The victims and perpetrators seem to have been lost in the battles to assign guilt. Poor gun laws? The NRA? Wimpy legislators? Capitalist society? The moral bankruptcy of the country? The racism that lurks in everyone's heart to a greater or lesser degree? The general feeling that we have fallen down the political rabbit hole to the Wildest, Wackiest, Maddest Tripartisan Teaparty Ever?

The Blame Game has been going on since the Creation. Who's the biggest sinner – Eve, who disobeyed God; the Serpent, who gave her the idea; Adam, who could have just said no; God, who set humankind up to fail and then was angry when they did?

There never seems to be a winner in the Blame Game, but there's never a loser, either. Or maybe everybody is a winner; there's plenty of blame to go around and if any falls on you, you can dump it on someone else.

Defensive Offense is newer. Back in the Olden Days, if a group or individual was accused of something, he (like Henry VIII), she (Queen Mary I of England, AKA Bloody Mary), or it (the Inquisition) just continued about their business, knocking off their accusers along the way. But today, people are more aware or more sensitive or more touchy, as can be seen in the Black Lives Matter/All Lives Matter controversy. In response to BLM's accusations of racism as seen in the recent shootings of unarmed black civilians by white law enforcement officers, a new movement, “All Lives Matter” is accusing BLM of racism.

It's not clear yet which side is going to win. Both have advantages. BLM has centuries of oppression (continuing to this day) and the “microaggressions” of white privilege. But ALM has more options: Asian Lives Matter! LGBT Lives Matter! Hispanic Lives Matter! Police Lives Matter! Women's Lives Matter! Unborn Lives Matter! Jewish Lives Matter! Even White Lives Matter! And, of course, Black Lives Matter! And they all do.

But the problem is that in spite of all the editorials, blog posts, demonstrations, signs, and T shirts, the people who need the messages are not paying attention. Those who are paying attention are asking what can be done and are often answering “Not much.”

A second problem is that the movements are seen as divisive and hostile. Even if they are not meant that way, appearances can't be explained or discussed away and may turn into reality.

So what can one do as a Christian, a liberal, or a person of good will?

Maybe we can stop playing the games or stop listening to others play them. While they have noble goals – to save lives or show the basic unity of people – they aren't helping.

So pray, do what you can to get stronger gun laws or better enforcement of the existing laws, treat all people as if they matter, because they do.

These things may not help the situation, but they may help you.

Rodney King was right when he asked, “Can't we all just get along?”

Inflicting Affliction

"Comfort the Afflicted and Afflict the Comfortable"

When nineteenth century journalist Finlay Peter Dunne (1867-1936) handed down this dictum, he was speaking to newspapers, but it has been embraced by politicians, social activists, and The Church (lots of "The Churches"). Besides the traditional buttons and bumper stickers, you'll find it on coffee mugs, tee shirts, even clerical stoles.

You might think that as a declared liberal, I would love it, but I don't.  I'm tired of being told what to do, particularly in the guise of begging.  I am deluged with letters from organizations --  for peace, economic justice, the planet, abused animals, sick children.  They are all worthy causes, but I can only do so much and I can only take so much.  (I can't listen to Sarah McLaughlin's "In the Arms of the Angels" ever since it was used in a commercial for the American Humane Association, with pictures of abused or simply sad cats and dogs.  When they switched to "In the Bleak Midwinter" just in time for Christmas, I posted a warning on Facebook,)

I realize that I am one of the comfortable people who are supposed to be made uncomfortable.  But then I'm one of the afflicted, so who is going to comfort me?

I don't think this occurs to potential afflicters, who are probably thinking in terms of social action.  (Make enough people feel guilty enough and you can save the world!  Or at least a part of it.) But I tell myself that they mean well.

And if liberal guilt doesn't bring enough suffering, there is always religion.

The most familiar affliction method is the  Damnation Doctrine,  "Refuse to believe the correct interpretation of the Bible and you're going to Hell, where the fires burn but never consume and the wailing of the tortured never ceases!"  If you believe you are too intelligent or too educated to be taken in, try reading Jonathan Edwards's "Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God", and see if you feel a twinge of unease.  "What if they're right?"  Done in the right spirit, it's kind of fun, like watching scary movies,  but I wonder how much time professors of early American literature have spent reassuring students that the Puritans and theologians of the Great Awakening like Jonathan Edwards weren't necessarily right.  (My early American literature professor told the story of a student who asked, "But how do we know we're saved?" in the middle of a lecture on predestination.)

Old Time Religion is bad enough, but New Time Progressive Religion does its share of afflicting too.  Even in mainstream denominations we hear stories about miracles, the virgin birth, and the Resurrection starting in Sunday School.  But nobody ever told me that these were only legends.  Teachers and preachers talked as if it was no problem to believe because we've learned that "God can do anything," and is one smells a logical rat or serpent, "You just have to have faith."

Even those who see the creation stories and Revelation as allegories and metaphors may think that everything else is historically, if not literally, true.  And it may be a bit of a shock (in Episcopalianspeak) when we come across the New Theology, kind of like finding out about Santa Claus.  I'd like to say to the Progressives, "I hope you understand that a lot of us, in spite of years of education, are not going to get this.  And a lot of us are going to give up trying."

Literature and real life are full of former Catholics and Fundamentalists who have lost their faith.  They all deserve sympathy and the real ones need any help we can give.  But what about the rest of us?  Our fall isn't nearly as dramatic;  now we can sleep or play golf or go to brunch on Sunday.  It's not worth becoming a tortured antihero.  Really?  Holes in one, Sunday Morning on CBS, quiches and mimosas can't do much for a crisis of faith.

So how are we to deal with this?  Can we trust ourselves to choose who to believe or to even come to our own conclusions?

My spirituality is at the corner of Whatever and You Tell Me and Then We'll  Both Know.  This works.  Usually.  Fortunately, The Episcopal Church is "a big tent" with room for everyone.  But sometimes . . .

You needn't bother to afflict me if I'm too comfortable.  I can afflict myself, thank you very much.

 

It's Shoutin' Time in Heaven!

Mother Angelica, the 92 year old nun who founded the Eternal Word Television Network in her convent's garage with $200.00, died (or went home to the Lord) on Easter. Although I disagreed with a lot of her views (reproductive rights, LGBT rights, marriage equality, redemptive suffering and probably more), I liked her. She was a funny and folksy and feisty and preached about Jesus's love and God's plan for us.

Several Catholic and former Catholic friends did not like her. Some don't care for folksy and feisty, but especially don't care for her conservative religious views. And of course they had mean nun stories about being hit with yardsticks, kneeling on rice, being ordered to “present your hand” so it could be hit with a ruler, even having their heads slammed against the wall. One joked that Mother A. was probably given a golden yardstick when she got to heaven.

Growing up Presbyterian I did not have the Mean Nun Experience. My idea a nun was Ingrid Bergman in The Bells of St. Mary's. The first conversation I ever had with a nun occurred when I was in my thirties and was a Weight Watchers lecturer. We talked about food, not theology. I did find that mean nun stories were good icebreakers at parties and in bars.Years later, a friend told me that a friend of his, after meeting me at a party, said I reminded him of an former nun. I don't know what she meant (probably not a compliment), but I thought it was hilarious. 

 

Reading Mother Angelica's obituary, I found out that her father had left the family when she was five and that she and her mother, who had mental problems, moved in with her aunt and uncle, who owned a bar in a poor section of Canton, Ohio. As an adult, she suffered from back problems (she walked with crutches and wore back and leg braces), as well as an enlarged heart, diabetes, and asthma.

After promising God that if she recovered from a spine operation she would build a monastery, she and other nuns started a fishing lure business, which paid for the monastery in a suburb of Birmingham, Alabama. In 1981, she launched EWTN.

It's difficult to know what to think about a basically good, likable person who has some bad, even terrible ideas. But I have agreed to disagree with so many people that I can handle it. (I am a lot of things, but not feisty. I don't know if I'm bragging or complaining about this.)

So I've put Mother Angelica on my list of “Nice People Who Are Dead Wrong About Some Things”, where she joins blogger Hement Mehta,The Friendly Atheist, Pope Francis and my religiously and politically conservative friends.

(You can read more about Mr. Mehta in my blog post “The Slacker in the Stroller” March 20, 2014 and view him and Mother Angelica on YouTube.)

Old news or eternal truths? You decide!

It's taken me awhile to get my thoughts together on Madeleine Albright/Gloria Steinem "mispeakings".  At first I was too shocked to comment.  Ms. Albright scolded women who supported Bernie Sanders rather than Hillary Clinton and threatened them with "a special place in Hell for women who don't help other women."  Really, Madeleine?  Seriously?  Even in the early days of the resurgent women's movement, when I was a beginning feminist, my friends and I, who considered ourselves pretty hardcore, voted and worked for candidates based on their records and not their genders. 

I don't remember Ms. Albright calling for support of Sarah Palin in 2008.

But Ms. Steinem may have hit on something when she said that young women might be flocking to Bernie Sanders's campaign because that's "where the boys are."  In an interview with Bill Maher, the "feminist icon," as she is known, said,  "When you're young, you're thinking, 'Where are the boys?The boys are with Bernie'.  (Naturally, this brought indignation from feminists young and old.  prompting Ms. S. to tweet that she "misspoke" and declare Senator Sanders "an honorary woman,")

I'll be honest.  Years ago, when I joined the Young Democrats, one of the reasons was to meet guys.  The Equal Rights Amendment, LGBT rights, and reproductive freedom were important, of course, but I have to admit now (and I might have admitted then) that "finding someone" and having a relationship were more important.  And I can't have been the only one.  These are not bad things to want.  But we sometimes act like they are.  How can we be thinking about hooking up when we have to save the world or at least the country?

I have no idea how we can, but we do.

And actually, it's not that important.  It's sort of like church;  whatever gets you in the door, whether it's to meet someone, make business connections, or to get a good sugar buzz from the doughnuts at coffee hour, it's a first step.  Keep coming back and the important aspects of Christianity or Judaism or Unitarianism or whatever, can click in. 

So let's think of our political goals.  A lot of people have come in the door.  In spite of our differences, maybe we can work together together to achieve them.

OMG! Have I been politically offended?

.

I was waiting for something to turn up to write about..  And it did.  January 16 was the birthday of writer Susan Sontag.  The reason I know this is that I read it on Facebook in a post from Garrison Keillor's Writer's Almanac.  In addition to reporting that Ms. Sontag read at three, graduated from high school at fifteen, and earned Master's degrees in English and philosophy from Harvard, the post talks about her eight-year marriage.  What it did not talk about was Ms. Sontag's longterm relationship with photographer Annie Liebowitz, begun in 1989 and ending with Ms. Sontag's death in 2004.

Why was only the shorter relationship mentioned?  Was it because it was a Lesbian relationship?  Was this omission due to prudishness (After all, even if they couldn't get married, they could have had a commitment ceremony.) or heterosexism?  If Ms. Sontag's final relationship had been with a man, would he have been mentioned?

Am I becoming one of those PC Police people who enjoy being offended and judge the broadmindedness of others by how often they are offended?

Do I need to get a life?  (In my defense, I have been recuperating from a hip replacement and haven't been getting out much.) 

I felt better when I read comments from other readers who had the same reaction   Then I was annoyed at myself because I needed to be validated.  Then I was annoyed because I was beating myself up for needing to be validated.  (If you have trouble following this, you are better adjusted than I am.)

I wondered what Ms. Sontag and Ms. Liebowitz would think about the post and people's reactions.  Maybe (OK, probably) they would ignore it and go on with their lives.    Or maybe Ms. Sontag might have written about it and more importantly, people's reactions to it.

Well, it's something to think about.  So Happy Belated Birthday, Ms. Sontag, and Happy Unbirthday, Ms. Liebowitz.

(PS  I know this is late, but insightful, witty writing take time.)

When We All Watched -- The People and O.J.

 

Anyone in the United States over thirty (and some under) probably has memories of the O. J. Simpson murder and subsequent trial.  We relished O .J. jokes (What did Ron Goldman say to Nicole Brown Simpson when he met her in heaven?  "Here's your f***ing sunglasses.")  and gathered in front of the television set eating potato chips and following the LAPD's pursuit of the white Bronco, much as we would observe the 911 events five years later.

It was all O. J. all the time as the entire trial was televised.  We got to know everyone, the Brown and Goldman families, Marcia Clark, Johnnie Cochran, Judge Ito.  When the verdict was rendered, my co-workers and I were allowed to watch it on a TV in the conference room.  The whites were indignant and the blacks were indignant at their indignation.

So I looked forward to the FX miniseries The People v. O. J. Simpson (Tuesday nights, ten o'clock Eastern).It has everything, a beautiful victim with equally gorgeous sisters, a beloved sports hero, a comic sidekick, and even a loyal dog.  Not the mention the Kardashians. (O. J. nearly shot himself in Kim Kardashian's bedroom.)

And there are more serious issues -- interracial marriage, spousal abuse, the legal system -- so you don't have to feel too guilty for watching it.

So I got comfortable on the couch with the afghan and the cats and a diet soda.

The show began with footage of the 1994 riots caused by the acquittal of the police officers who beat Rodney King, then cut to "two years later", when a dog is whimpering on a deserted street, while haunting, if not menacing, music plays.  That was nice.

But at times the show degenerated into a Saturday Night Live sketch.  Marcia Clark, played by Sarah Paulson, is the ultimate Hard-driving and Hard-driven Bitch, sending her sons to school without breakfast when they turn down their cereal, saying they can "Starve"  (For heaven's and their school performances' sakes, give them some Nutrigrain bars to eat in the car!) and smoking continuously, even in the house!  John Travolta's Robert Shapiro (O. J's first defense lawyer) is a namedropping smarm meister who looks like he had work done -- bad work. Johnnie Cochran (Courtney B. Vance) stands in front of his enormous closet with a rainbow of shirts and discusses what color to wear to a meeting.  (I think he picked yellow.) As Robert Kardashian, David Schwimmer seems to be reprising that lovable sad puppydog Ross from Friends, but with a white streak in his hair.  Kato Kaelin (Billy Magnussen) is a permanently bewildered Jeff Spicoli.

Cuba Gooding, Jr. plays O. J. straight, unaware of the absurdity that is going on.

I enjoyed it thoroughly, but I wonder if those involved with the movie were hoping that the audience would find it a hoot and a half.

I'm sure there are lot of observations to be made about crime and its depiction, audience demand and reaction and even Art, but this is Woodstock Churchlady, not The New Yorker or some intellectual journal. I will say, however, that I'll be watching.  How about you?

(For those who want something churchladyish --  Jesus loves Marsha Clark and Kato Kaelin and you can too!)

 

All Over Again

A

A little more than two months ago, I had a total hip replacement.  This was to correct the two inch "leg discrepancy" (My right leg was two inches shorter than my left leg, in regular talk.) that occurred after my broken hip in August of 2014.  This involved four days in the hospital and seven days in a rehabilitation facility.

I really haven't done a lot of spiritual thinking about the significance of this, but I have made a few observations,

1.  There are ads for some orthopedic groups that "promise" that you may be out of bed the day of the operation and going home the next day.  This is more of a threat.  Getting out of bed wasn't that big a problem, but I was very glad that I didn't have to go home and could have a nice rest in a rehab facility, eating delicious meals (I lucked out there, Thank you, Jesus!) and being cared for by people who were paid to do it, so I didn't have to feel guilty.

2.  The chief topic of conversation among the patients, after their health, was Law and Order, Special Victims Unit, which was on every day for at least three hours.

3.  You may be put on Hip Precautions to keep your new hip from popping out of place.  The chief one is that you can't bend over or even lean over too far.  There are gadgets to help you put on your shoes and socks, pull your pants on and off, and pick things off the floor,  After you learn how to use them, they are kind of fun. Your grandchildren will love them.

4.  You can use your thigh as a surface to move your computer mouse. It's a long story.

5.  Ensure may seem like a drink for old fogeys, but it doesn't taste bad.  It reminds me of a thin milkshake,  My favorites in order are dark chocolate, milk chocolate, and vanilla.  Butter pecan does not taste like butter pecan.  Strawberry turned me off, so I didn't try it.  And, of course, you can always pep it up by adding ice cream.

6.  Except for Law and Order (any version, although my favorite is the original or Classic), daytime television sucks.  I may be turning into a prude, but I got tired of Charlie Harper on Two and a Half Men and Barney the Womanizer on How I Met Your Mother.  (And I think Ted could have done better for himself.)

WARNING: POSSIBLE TMI ALERT!

7.  The idea of a catheter may be creepy, but it's not uncomfortable, and it's nice not to have to worry about going to the bathroom, especially when you can't go to the bathroom in the bathroom.  The experience gave me insight into the catheter commercials on TV, but I hope I never need to order a catheter sample pack.

Just as I was feeling rested enough to start blogging again, I found inspiration for two posts.  I had been a little worried about material, since I don't have anything new to say about Bill Cosby (not that that has ever stopped me before, but he's not only sad but boring) and I am not ready to think about Donald Trump and the Gang. Some things are too surreal even for me.  I won't spoil the posts for you here, but they will be coming up soon.  God works in mysterious ways, Her or His wonders to perform.