The Best Post on Christmas Stress -- Ever -- In the World!

 

 

 



 

 

 

 

In order to reduce my stress load this Christmas, I am reposting last year's Christmas Stress post instead of writing a new one.

Do you feel that Christmas is a disruption in your life?  Are you overwhelmed by trying to provide the best Christmas possible?  How do you feel when you read an article or hear a discussion on a talk show telling you that you shouldn’t try to create the “perfect” Christmas?  And don’t forget all those movies about a burned out parent (usually Mom) who has a revelation and cries and berates herself for not seeing the meaning of Christmas.  Do you feel guilty because you would have been satisfied with just “real nice”?  Or are you shooting for perfect and feeling guilty not only for not making it but for even trying?

No matter where you turn, someone is saying something about the stress of Christmas.  I stopped reading articles about how to avoid stress, since reading them and trying to put them into action just took up time and led to more stress.

Maybe we just ought to accept that fact that we are going to strive for “the best Christmas ever,” no matter what we read or see on television and hear in church.

But I have a thought.

Christmas disrupts our lives, just as it has disrupted the world.  Mary and Joseph had their lives disrupted; so did the shepherds and wise men.  When we decide to follow Jesus, our lives are going to be changed and change is disruption.  It is a miraculous disruption.

But wouldn’t it be nice to find a little peace?

Maybe on the 26^th or the Saturday after Christmas, we can enjoy the leftovers, watch the DVD’s we got, and really read the Christmas cards and newsletters.  I’m going to keep the 26^th in mind tonight as I wrap presents and worry about whether everyone will like them.

Watchman, Tell Us Of The Night Happy Advent!

What Is Love?

 

We hear a lot about Love.   Christianity can be explained in three sentences:  Love God.  Love your neighbor.  Love yourself.  (I read this.  I did not think it up myself.)

But what does the church mean by love?   Certainly not romantic love, except maybe loving your neighbor.  It is hard to love.  How do we feel about the supervisors who screw us over or the neighbor who decided to love our significant other?  And our former significant other?

What about the Teapartiers or the Open Borders people?  What about welfare recipients?  Or Isis?

I, for one, don’t feel loving towards a lot of people.  This may lead to trouble about loving yourself.  Can we feel good about ourselves when we have such hateful feelings? 

A friend once told me that she got very annoyed at her neighbors who didn’t take their trash cans in on time.  She said she “wasn’t a Christian” because of it.

I said, “I’m not trying to be your pastor or anything, but that doesn’t mean you’re not a Christian.  It just means you’re not a particularly good one at that time.”  I don’t know if she believed me; we’re talking seventy some years of guilt producing conditioning.

And people have said that they couldn’t understand why we are told to love ourselves.  What about humility? You can be humble and still love yourself.  Not to an insult to God.  If you are good enough for God, you should be good enough for yourself.  And you can’t love anyone in any way if you don’t love yourself.

Basically, if God told you that if you did not want someone to have a merry Christmas, they would have a miserable one, and you wouldn’t get in trouble for it and you said, “Oh, what the heck, let the SOB or B have a nice holiday,” you are showing love.

Of course there are more charitable ways to do it, but this is the most basic.  We have to love, but we don’t have to like.

Do you have a s**t list?  Everyone who is on that list should be on your prayer list.

I’m not even going to try to talk about loving  God; it’s beyond me. As Dana Carvey used to say, “I’m only the churchlady” and I don’t want people to think I do a superiority dance whenever I write a post.

But hit it, Pearl, and we’ll dance for the fun or it!

 

 

 

The Air Quotes Church

What do you think of people who use air quotes?  I wonder how they got stuck in the nineties and forever after think of them as Mr. or Ms. Air Quotes.  Then I feel guilty, but I tell myself that they are reaping what they sowed.  (Isn't it interesting how a Bible reference seems to make a not-so-nice remark less catty?)  

What do you think about the thing being air quoted?  Air quotes denote sarcasm, which is saying something that isn’t true (often in a supposedly witty way).  No wonder Dr. Evil from the Austin Powers movies is so fond of them.

Although I’ve never seen it air quoted, I sometimes wonder if the established church doesn’t deserve to be.  The air quotes church is the official church that has a specific name and a specific identity.  In its struggle to keep its identity, it creates hierarchies, protocols, rituals (and not just liturgical ones) and rules.  It organizes conferences, task forces, seminars, and conventions, often with the best intentions.  Sometimes all this “organization” leads it to become disorganized religion.

If you do any reading about current religion, you are only too aware of the problems of the air quotes church.  People who are not (air quotes) religious mock it and sneer about what a waste of money and effort it is.  People who are religious and even some who are spiritual may make attempts to defend it, but worry that what the critics say is probably true.  If they are angry or disgusted enough, they may agree and offer ways to fix the church.  If they are completely burned out, they may say that the “church” is on its deathbed and the end can’t come soon enough for them.

I have been defensive, worried, angry and disgusted.  I may be on my way to burnout, but something stops me.  It may be the hymns that bring tears to my eyes, or the beautiful words of the service, or my friends in the church.  The air quotes church has enough to offer me that I stay.  Of course, as a parishioner I can ignore a lot, or at least not have to deal with the consequences of the “church”’s flaws.

But besides the air quotes church, there is the church, the people who may or may not be Members, but who strive to live Christ-like lives.  Or they may not even be striving.  The church includes everyone who wants to be part of it, trying to love God, love their neighbors, and love themselves.  The air quotes church may blatantly or covertly exclude people, but the church does not.  The air quotes church may blatantly or covertly judge people, but the church does not.  The air quotes church may have confused priorities (Should financial stability and growth be at the top of the list?), but the church does not. 

The church is an ideal.  I don’t know if it can exist without at least a part of the air quotes church.  But it does exist, even within the  "church".  Maybe if everyone recognized themselves as part of the church and tried to live that way, some or the problems of the air quotes church would be corrected.  Or at least the struggle would be easier.   

 

It Came from the Risen Consciousness

 

 

 



In his blog Clergy Confidential, Father Tim Schenck writes that in the diocese of Connecticut a resolution has been proposed to “mandate the elimination of gendered titles for priests.”  (“Hello, Mother, Hello Father” September 26, 2014.)  http://clergyconfidential.blogspot.com   This means not using “Mother” or “Father” as a courtesy title.  The reason this is a bad thing is that the use of “Father” for males comes from the old patriarchal church structure and addressing female priests as “Mother” supposedly reinforces this by giving a different title to females, instead of having a one- name-fits all honorific.

Of course there are options:  Reverend, Pastor, Vicar and probably others.  If the resolution should pass, there would be plenty of things to call the person who is your spiritual advisor and whatever else he or she is to you.  Father Tim says he really doesn’t care what people call him, and he thinks that most priests don’t.  When I was a Presbyterian, ministers were either Dr. or Mr.  (If there were any women, they would be Dr., Mrs., or Miss.  Ms. was not yet an option.)  When I became a Unitarian, like everyone else, I called the ministers by their first names.

But this raises the question of what to call the laity.  Usually, everyone goes by first names, but just in case the occasion is more formal, what do you do?  Mr., Mrs., Miss, and Ms. are gender specific and reflect the bad old days of the patriarchy, when women were considered property and had no rights or protection. 

How about Congregant Smith or Parishioner Jones or Christian Miller?  Maybe it would remind people of the French Revolution when everybody was “Citizen” or the Communist party where everyone was “Comrade”.  This did not stop them from killing each other, but at least they had linguistic equality.

 

And speaking of gender specificity, have you ever heard God referred to as She?  I am embarrassed to say that it always surprises me to hear it.  Of course I don’t have a problem with it, since I am Open-Minded and Liberal, but I still think it sounds weird.  I am working on getting over it.

But I can’t help wondering if God should really be referred to in any way that also refers to humans.  How about an all-inclusive pronoun, like shim (she and him) and for the possessive shis (she and his)?  Or why not It?  You have to be sure to write it with only one t so as not to confuse the deity with Cousin Itt Addams, but I think it might work.  And maybe it might spread to be used to refer to anyone, eliminating the awkward he or she.

And while they’re at it, maybe the linguists could think up a word to be used for addressing more than one person, when “y’all” won’t do?  And how do you form the possessive of “you guys”?
And what about single words for “aunts and uncles” and “nieces and nephews”?

There’s probably a tenured job or department chairpersonship in it.

 



 

 

A Look at Popular Culture

Since my accident, I have been spending a lot of time watching television.  I don’t know why.   You would think I’d read.  Maybe I’ve been conditioned to only read on public transportation or in waiting rooms.  Anyway, to get something positive out of it, I decided to try some “literary criticism.”

Law and Order Special Victims Unit:  This a dark, dark show.  Nothing seems to happen in bright light.   The cops as tragic antiheroes, often alone, or if they have relationships they are about to lose them. The crimes are horrible and sometimes grotesque.  I can only ask, how could I have spent six hours at one sitting watching this?  But how about that campy episode with Ann Margret, Jacklyn Smith, and Morgan Fairchild?

 

 

Two and a Half Men:  This has turned out to be another dark show, in spite of the humor.  Charlie leads an empty, hedonistic life and enjoys it thoroughly.  At the beginning of the series, Alan is a hardworking chiropractor who has been thrown out of the house by his bitch of a wife.  He is bled dry by alimony and child support and deteriorates into a parasite living off his brother.  When Charlie is killed (thrown under a train by his stalker lover because she had caught him fooling around), Alan sponges off the billionaire who bought Charlie’s house.  Charlie and Alan’s mother is constantly criticizing her sons and grandson and then complains that nobody loves her.  It’s really the story of Alan’s fall, so far.  Maybe there will be some redemption during the final season.  I still love some of the episodes like the investigation of Evelyn’s new husband’s death.

 

Sex and the City:  I can’t help but wonder (as Carrie says – she should know better) what it must be like to be able to spend over $400.00 on a pair of shoes.  I like all the women, but sometimes I’d like to shake them.  (Particularly Carrie and Miranda.  Charlotte and, oddly enough, Samantha seem to be the best adjusted;  they know what they want.) When I asked some friends who they identified with, they looked sheepish and said “Charlotte.” (The one who wants to get married and have children.)  I identify with her, too.

 

Keeping Up with the Kardashians:  Another chance to vicariously wallow in money and stuff and to feel superior because you know what is more important.  And here are people who are better off materially than you are, so you don’t have to feel guilty about your life and sorry for them.  And what’s up with Bruce?

 

How I Met Your Mother: A group buddy show (but not at all like Seinfeld), it brings back memories of your old friends and your youthful craziness.  This is one of the most positive sitcoms.  Everyone is looking for not only love, but marriage.  Unlike the Sex and the City women, the characters have families.  Birth, death, marriage – it’s all there.

 

I’m sure there must be a doctoral dissertation on popular culture here.  Or at least a master’s thesis.

 

 

I know I said I wanted a break, but this isn't what I meant!

If you’ve been wondering what happened to me, on August 14, I fell and I couldn’t get up.  It turned out I’d broken my hip.  After a ride in an ambulance, an operation, and four days in the hospital, I was moved to a rehabilitation facility and came home on September 19.

I decided to take vacation from writing and spent most of my spare time, when I wasn’t doing therapy, reading, watching television, and going on Facebook.  But I did make some notes.  I guess couldn’t help myself.

1.        There is a limit to how much Law and Order, Special Victims Unit one can take.  Mine is six hours.

2.       Even if you don’t think you’ll be embarrassed about procedures, bodily functions, and the gap in your hospital gown, because of course you’re not a prude, you may be.  Don’t be embarrassed about being embarrassed.

3.        After you get to be a certain age, people are uncomfortable about sending you rude get well cards.  If you like them, tell your significant other to mention it if anyone asks your hospital address.

4.       Unlike hotels (or at least those back in the day), medical facilities are BYOB – bring your own Bible.  My Bibles are either too bulky or falling apart, but I have an old 1928 Book of Common Prayer, which is smaller and contains the Psalms and the words of hymns.  And the instructions on how to calculate the date of Easter were very helpful for getting sleepy.

5.       This is a good time to read, but don’t try anything too complicated.  Forget about Jane Austen and Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance.  I prefer cozy mysteries.  But if you have a book with an interesting title, put it on your bedside table.  It’s a good conversation piece.

6.       Don’t feel guilty about enjoying the less awful parts of your recuperation, like being waited on.  Your job is to get well and you can’t do that if you feel guilty.

I hope you never need to use these tips.   But if you do, I hope they help.  Now I have to practice going up and down the stairs.