Yes, I Know This Is Just a Cartoon

I like to think that I don’t waste energy getting offended.  I once owned three volumes of Truly Tasteless Jokes and I love South Park.

So I was a little surprised when I felt uncomfortable and almost angry at a religious cartoon in Episcopalians on Facebook, so much so that to try to figure out my feelings I am writing a post (Or is it a rant?) about it.

 

 

I have always been told that it was rude to ask what a person “did”, but I never agreed with it, even in the sense of asking about someone’s job.  Since you probably spend eight hours a day at it, you should have some opinions or stories to share.

But the last two panels seem rude.  There is a condescending smugness as the tie guy (Let’s call him Ty) corrects the other person (We can’t tell if it’s male or female, so he or she can be Pat):  “Oh, I didn’t mean what you do for money.”  (You get the feeling that he wants to add, “Stupid.”)  Then he sounds like the Pharisee who gave thanks that he was not like “that pitiful tax collector” (Luke 18:9-14, my paraphrase) as he explains “I mean what do you do for the world?”

Why did he have to know?  It may be all right for a pastor to ask that question, but Ty is not wearing a collar.  It seems that he is setting Pat up to be the object of his criticism.

The fact Pat is a cashier adds to the discomfort.  Would Ty have asked the question of a pastor or doctor or teacher?  To Ty, a person who works in a store, living off America’s obsession with consumption and who did not need a degree to get the job needs to be made aware that there are more important things than making money.  This is insulting.  We could even call it classist and politically incorrect, but I'd rather just complain about rudeness.

We can and many of us do do things for the world.  We can treat people kindly.  We can do charitable or political work.  We can pray.  In fact, we can offer our work as an unceasing prayer.  But we don’t need or want to be quizzed about it.

How long would Ty last as a cashier on Black Friday or even a regular Friday night?

If this is Ty’s first date conversation, I don’t think he gets many second dates. 



Episcopalian Rap-- Really!



We love our church and we cannot lie

Episcopalians can’t deny

With the smells and the bells                                                           

When you’re in your place                                                          

With a prayer book in your face

You won’t be bored,

When we glorify the Lord!

 

We never falter

When we go up to the altar.                                                          

And we don’t mind it

If you get behind it

Because the presence of God

Is where you find it!

 

Our priest wears a collar

But we won’t holler

If you dress really dapper

Or like a rapper

Or an nerdy Bible scholar.
 

 We baptize babies!
                                                                                                                         

We ordain ladies!  

    

 

 

 

                                                                                                            

 

                                            

We’ll bless your cat!                                                           

And more than that

We’ll bless your backpack.

And that's a fact, Jack.

Do we have a Pope?

Nope!

But we have got faith and hope.                                         

And from above                                                                        

                                                                                                           

The Lord sends down his love.

 

So fellas!  Ladies!

If you don’t want to go to Hades                                                       

               

 And you’re looking for a church

That won’t leave you in the lurch

But you don’t know what to do --

The Episcopal Church welcomes you!                                                                     

                                                                          
 

Alleluia!

(Ending for Lent and Advent:  The Lord Be With You)

 

 

 

Apologies and Thanks to Sir Mix-A-Lot

 

Does anyone want to make a video?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bold and Brazen Articles

The first time I heard the introduction to the Lord’s Prayer “And now, as our Savior Christ has taught us, we are bold to say” during the service, I was puzzled.  Is praying bold?  My Catholic friends talk about being called “bold and brazen articles” by the nuns and ordered, “Present your hand,” which the nun then hit with a ruler.  Bold was wearing short or tight skirts and calling boys.  Bold was prank calling anyone.  Bold was talking back to your parents or teachers.  Bold was kind of cool, even if, like me, you weren’t bold enough to be bold.

(Don’t worry, this is not going to turn into one of those annoying rants about much better the boomers were raised.  I don’t think it’s true, and anyway, those days are over.)

One place you certainly weren’t supposed to be bold was church; you sat quietly and prayed silently.  And if you asked for something, you apologized first for asking.

We didn’t have problems asking our parents for things (better known as Stuff, as in “You have enough Stuff.” or “Get your Stuff out of here.”): toys, bikes, trips to the mall or Disneyworld, and later clothes, money, and cars.  We didn’t have problems asking repeatedly, or even without ceasing.   Our parents would get tired of this, but it still didn’t stop us.  They’d already said no, so how much could it hurt to keep asking?  Maybe we’d catch them in a weak moment if we’d worn them out enough.

One of the most memorable things I’ve taken away from a sermon was being told to ask boldly, not in a weeny-whiney voice, “Please God, if it’s not too much trouble, would you mind . . .” I changed my way of asking for things.  I don’t know if I’ve had more prayers answered since then;  I didn’t think I’d be writing about it, so I didn’t keep track.  But I feel better about asking.

If we are going to be bold about asking for things, maybe it will lead us to be bold in other things.  We can pray for improvements and we can be bold enough to try to do something about them.  And we can pray for the boldness to do it.  (Of course sometimes all we can do is pray.  But prayer itself, as I have learned, is a bold act.)

When was the last time you did something bold?  Did you give money to a beggar when you were with a disapproving friend?  Cheer when you heard another state is allowing gay marriage?  Work as a volunteer in a political campaign, maybe even knock on doors?  Say that Pope Francis has come a long way, but he still has a long way to go?

And, lest I sound too goody-goody, occasionally, let’s be bold in asking for Stuff. 

Leading to D'Oh

In a post called “A Stroke or What”, (February 22, 2014) I wrote about some crazy stuff happening and ended the paragraph “And then I woke up.”  It might have been better to make this a separate paragraph, but as I explained I was afraid that would soften the impact.

How many times have you read a story or joke that is going along and then comes a new paragraph that starts “And then”?  Of course that’s when the action starts.   

We all have our “And Then” Moments.  “I was happy with my significant other and then I met . . .”  “I was a people person and then I got a job in customer service.”  “I didn’t know what I wanted to be when I grew up and then my aunt took me to see Beauty and the Beast onstage.”  “I didn’t believe in God and then . . .”

And Then Moments are not Aha Moments, when suddenly something becomes clear to you.  I had an Aha Moment on the bus reading an article by a prominent Unitarian, who said she didn’t, or wouldn’t, believe anything unless it could be proven.  My first thought was, “My God, that’s so sad!”  Caught in the Unitarian labyrinth of unanswered or multi-answer questions, I didn’t know what to believe or what I wanted to believe.  In that moment, I knew that things did not have to be proven to me.  As the old joke goes, I was so surprised, I nearly fell off my unicorn.  I was a lot happier spiritually after that.  (The And Then moment had been when I decided to try the Unitarian Church because I heard it was a good place to meet guys.  It was, by the way.) 

Can you see what your And Then Moments are?  How many of your And Then Moments brought good things?  How many brought bad ones?   Can you see what they are leading up to?  Maybe you can.  Maybe you think you can.  But you may be surprised. 

 

But Wait! There’s More! This seems to bear repeating.

At first I was going to title this “Still More About the Decline of the Church,” but I wanted people to read it.  That's why I added pictures of kittens and puppies instead of churches with "CLOSED" or "FOR SALE" signs.

Everyone has something to say about the Decline, if not Death of the Church:  the church is user-unfriendly; attempts to make it user friendly have just dumbed it down; the church is not meeting people’s needs; the church is pandering to unchurched people by becoming a spiritual Disneyworld; the church is too hung up on details; the church is forgetting that details help us get the greater meaning.

In fairness, a lot of the articles do offer some suggestions.  The one that turns up most often seems to be that we must tell our stories.  And I agree.  This is what people want to hear and what will bring Jesus to them.  Who doesn’t like a good story?

But this is hard.  We are conditioned to “not intrude on another person’s space,” or more bluntly, “Stay out of other people’s business.”  We are cautious about revealing our own feelings.  (And unfortunately, in some circles that kind of sharing is an easy target for satire.)  And don’t even think about talking about religion.  It’s even ruder than talking about politics.

But we have to try.  We have to pray for the courage to do it. 

I suggest that every time someone writes something about the decline of the church and the need to tell our stories, he or she add an extra paragraph, or maybe even just a sentence about his or her own story.  Perhaps even put it in bold type or a different font.  Or when you’re having a Discussion or bull session about the church or God, tell your story.  I was going to say “church or God or whatever”, but bringing it up in talks about “whatever” can make you an Annoying Believer.  (You can read more about that in “You just might be turning into an Annoying Believer”,  posted on July 22.)

So:  I’d been going to church all my life, switching denominations and was even a fairly agnostic Unitarian.  Around 1998, I went back to the Episcopal Church, mostly because a church was just a block from my house and the Unitarian church was an hour away on public transportation.  I was saved this past June (yes, fifteen years later), when I realized during an internet argument with a bunch of atheists that I truly believed what I was saying.  I have been greatly helped by wonderful pastors, teachers, people in the small groups I belong to, and friends.  I’m a lot happier since this happened.  This blog tells more about my spiritual journey
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As one of my therapists used to say, I invite you to take the risk.  (Yes, I realize that this sentence is an easy target for satire, but it needed to be said.   Feel free to get snarky if you want to.)  For the church and for yourself.

Rejoice! We have olives!

I was making tuna salad for lunch and I asked my husband if he wanted olives.  (It’s not tuna for me without olives – or a holiday dinner or a picnic for that matter.)  He said “Okay” with a shrug in his voice.  That’s not the way I talk about olives.  I didn’t expect a song and dance, but “Great” or “Terrific” or even a hearty “Sure” would have been nice.  Yes, I know that all I had to do was open the refrigerator, get out the jar, open it and put a few olives on his plate.  But that’s not the point.  What do olive-loving children say when you ask them if they want olives?  What do almost all children say when you ask them if they want potato chips?

How many of you are gagging and feeling embarrassed for me?  Thank you for continuing to read.

If you are around children, particularly if they’re not yours, you see how much they enjoy things -- pizza, M and M’s, the letters in alphabet soup, riding past a field full of cows, stopping to wait for a train to go by.  (When they are yours, you worry about what the M and M’s will do to their teeth and wish that they wouldn’t count the number of cars with outdoor voices.)  I sometimes wonder if adults just don’t get excited (or at least pleased) by things, or if they do and are too embarrassed to say so, perhaps because they will be thought insincere or, even worse, silly.

Episcopalians are known as “the frozen chosen.”  We may not like the idea that people think we think we are chosen, but we have a sneaking, defensive pride in the “frozen” part.  We (almost) brag that most Episcopal priests are introverts.  (To which an evangelical might ask, “Then why did they become ministers?”  Beats me.)   When we call someone “sensible,” it is high praise.  “Very nice,” is on a level with "terrific". 

You may think that I am probably annoyingly perky (bad enough in a cheerleader, but even worse in a Senior Citizen), but that is my writing persona.  If you met me, you might think, “Doesn’t she ever open her mouth?”  And today I am Kathy Lee Gifford compared to my younger self.  But I have to admit that this is the face I would love to present to the world “live.”  

The point I am trying to make is not that I have issues of some kind, but that maybe we should be a little bolder and noisier in our liking of things.  (The “a little” makes this an Episcopalian comment.)  What do your prayers and hymns of thanks sound like?  What do you sound like?  Never mind the usual platitudes about gratitude.  We are all grateful, even if we don’t realize it.  But do we express it?  When a co-worker brings in donuts, how do you say thank you?,   When someone says, yes,  you  can pet their dog and the dog acts as if you made his day, how do you say thank you?  How to you say “Amen” when you receive the bread and wine at communion?

We are told that we should “pray without ceasing.” (1 Thessalonians 5:17) and that we should be “bold” as the Book of Common Prayer says we are when we say The Lord’s Prayer.   We can do this not with words but just by living and offering whatever we do to God.  Another way to pray is to be grateful for everything.  And to boldly show it.  God likes enthusiasm.

No matter what our parents or teachers have told us, let’s be bold in our thanksgiving.

Thanks so much for reading and commenting on this post.  I hope you think it is terrific or at least very nice.

 

Imagine there's no heaven? I don't think so!

The Lectionary of the Episcopal Church lists the bible readings to be used each day.  Today the Gospel was John 14:1-14, in which, shortly before His crucifixion, Jesus comforts the disciples, telling that He is going to prepare a place for them in His Father’s house where there are “many dwelling places.”  So there were probably a lot of sermons and a lot of thoughts about Heaven.  And I wonder how many people agreed with the ideas presented in the sermon. 

When I decided to start a blog, I bought a copy of Blogging for Dummies, which suggested doing a trial blog to learn the techniques.  So I created a fiction family sitcom, Meet the McDonalds, a blog written by Charlotte (Charlie) McDonald, a thirty-something wife, mother, librarian, Episcopalian and recovering Unitarian.  Also prominent are Charlie’s girlfriends Karen and Nicole.  In the post “Reflective Discussion with the Girls, Mrs. Fields, and Ben and Jerry,” after the murder of another friend of Charlie’s, they share their ideas of the next world:

Karen, Nikki and I got together at Nikki’s house for girls’ night in (after we’d gotten dinner for the troops at home; you know how it is.) . . .  After the second glass of wine, we started talking about heaven.  We decided that:

1.        You get to know anything you wanted. We all decided we wanted to know the truth about the Kennedy assassination.  I said I wanted to know if Elizabeth the First was really a virgin and they said I was naïve.

2.       You can eat anything you want and not get fat.  If you are fat when you die, you will become your perfect weight.  You will never have a bad hair day.

3.       You can meet famous people and they will be gracious. You may even become friends with them.  Nikki, who is not religious, said that some people, like Elvis, wouldn’t have time.  I explained that should we be there ten thousand years there would be no less days to schmooze than when we’d first begun.  I’m the only church goer (or, as Nikki says, church lady) among us.  Karen is spiritual, but not religious.

4.       You can drink and abuse drugs, but it won’t hurt you.

5.       We didn’t get to discussing sex in heaven until the third glass.  And since I’m a church lady, I’m too embarrassed to tell you what was said.
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h   http://meetthemcdonalds.blogspot.com
 

Frankly, I like this Heaven better than anything I’ve heard about in church.  And I don’t think that’s a problem.  We are told that we can’t imagine Heaven.  That used to bother me.  But I’ve decided that since I’m not a pastor or theologian I can imagine whatever I want and not get in trouble on Earth.  I’m sure that if I’m wrong I’m not going to get in trouble in Heaven.

So if you’ve been feeling guilty or unsophisticated because you don’t understand what you’re hearing in church, don’t worry about it.  Imagine the best Heaven you can.  How much can it hurt?